Most people who have never had their husband deploy or who have never been around a military couple would never understand why this statement would be true. But I'm here to try to explain to you a few reasons why it is very true for me and my husband.
Many people would think I didn't have much to look forward to for my wedding which is why the homecoming would be that much more special to me, but I did. I didn't live with my husband before we got married. We had very traditional views of how marriage should be and so our marriage and wedding night/honeymoon was very special to us. I think I had at least 2 different countdowns, one at work and one on my phone. I was obsessed with the planning and I just couldn't wait to be his wife. It consumed my thoughts and my actions. I knew there would be so many changes coming up with my two roommates moving out and my husband moving in. But it was exciting and I was ready for it.
But as any young couple in love, there are so many things I didn't know, and after being married for several years and a few kids later we learned a lot more. This gave me a different perspective and a new way to look and anticipate like I couldn't have before. While before I did so blindly, this time I am doing so with my eyes wide open.
Here are the reasons I anticipate my husband's return more than I did at my wedding:
I am more in love with him now than I was at our wedding. After several years of marriage I have fallen much more in love with him. This just makes me so much more crazy about him than the day I met him. At times a wedding things can be very much about the "Bride" and the "Wedding" this is all about US. Nothing else matters, not the ceremony, the photographer, the clothes, yeah we'll have all those just like last time, but we have one focus...seeing each other. I have fantasized about that moment since the day he left. Knowing that room he marched out of, it would be months before marched back into again and into my arms. But when he does...nothing..I mean nothing else in the world will matter but us being together again.
We have made a family (2 beautiful boys and our husky) that are also just as excited about him coming home and feel his absence in our home. I tell our sons that he's coming home soon and I know they're excited. Our 6 month old is so young he really doesn't understand, but it's hard seeing him grow up without his dad home. He gets excited everytime he sees him on facetime on the iPad. I know he loves him and I know he'll be so excited to see him in person when he gets home. But he was only 2 weeks old when he left so it's going to be a really big deal to see him really get to see and get to know his Daddy! Our 2yr old, wow he's going to flip out. He gets so excited every morning when Daddy calls. Everytime I play our Daddy bedtime story DVD he gets excited. He goes through phases where he carries his Daddy doll everywhere. That kid misses his Daddy and it's going to be so incredibly special to see him light up when he sees his Daddy again. And of course Nikki our dog is going to freak out when Daddy comes home!
Life returning to normal is a big deal to us as a family. It's hard to describe to you just how drastically his absence has affected us as a family. Nothing feels right, it's hard to find enjoyment in things. We postponed Christmas because it just wouldn't be right...wouldn't be "Christmas" without him. Our wedding day it was anticipating starting a whole new life. I am just yearning to get the life back that I loved so much! I don't want a new one, I just want the one that I had back.
Getting to sleep like normal again!!! There was a sense of uncertainty as I went into marriage...was he going to snore and keep me up all night long? Was our bed going to be comfortable? But I know he snores now, but I also know that a light push on the shoulder and he'll roll over on his stomach and he'll stop snoring. I know our bed is incredibly comfortable and I hate sleeping anywhere else. I'm used to sleeping next to him, I miss it. I miss feeling his heat, his presence next to me. I miss putting my foot up against his leg as I fall asleep. I miss hearing his heavy breathing as I drift off to sleep, rather than laying awake in bed wishing I could just relax, I wish I could just snuggle up against him.
To feel complete and whole...AGAIN. As a Christian you are taught to become "one flesh" in marriage so you believe in becoming apart of someone. But deployment makes me feel completely disconnected from my spouse sometimes. Not only are you on opposite sides of the planet but you are living completely separate lives from each other and it can be really difficult or nearly impossible to stay connected to each other. Even though we get to talk pretty much everyday and we can stay pretty up to date on everything that is going on, it is still really hard. We're on completely separate time zones and so when I'm awake he's asleep so when I see something or experience something I really want to tell him and I can't, and the moment fades. I miss getting to go places with him and make memories with him. While we get to do that more than most with the ability to facetime every morning (my time) it still doesn't change the fact that he is in Afghanistan doing his job there, living in his place there, seeing the people there, I live in our home here, I have my responsibilities here, seeing our friends and family here...it's totally different. We cross paths a little each day and that's it. We make the best of it that we can but it's really hard to connect and keep it at the quality that you need to be to keep your marriage strong much less to have your marriage grow from the experience. So I want him home. I want him next to me where I can share a life with him again. Where we can both parent our children again. Where if I have a thought right before bed I can roll over and tell him.
Another honeymoon...not that your first honeymoon isn't amazing, cause believe me our first one was pretty incredible!! We frequently said how much we missed our honeymoon cause we had the most amazing time! But the first one we really didn't know what to expect, this one we just have a lot of excitement and eagerness because after 2.5 years of having children and only 1 night away it's going to be pretty amazing to get away and get to reconnect, just us. Especially after being on my own with the kids for all these months getting the hubby to myself for a few nights sounds absolutely amazing!!
When my dad walked me to my husband on our wedding day, it was special, I felt butterflies and I was excited. But maybe it was just all the stress of the wedding coming to a head or I was just ready to have it over with. But the honeymoon was just fun and relaxing...maybe it never hit this major peak of excitement like this homecoming is for me. But as I sit here and think about Eddie coming home I literally just start to get so excited, I get giddy. It's still XX weeks away and yet I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. I have outfits planned for all of us, signs prepared and I've envisioned it in my head hundreds upon hundreds of times and I've cried every time.
Being an Army Wife is difficult. Sometimes it can be excruciating. When my son is sick and cries for his daddy and there's nothing I can do to give him what he wants. When we got home after my husband deployed and we pulled in the driveway and my son knew and started crying for Daddy. There are those moments where your heart just gets ripped out and you have to stay strong for your family no matter how little sleep you've had or how crappy people have treated you or how much you just want to scream at everyone around you.
But as hard as this life is I do know even though we haven't even gotten there yet...when I see him and I get to hold him again nothing in this world will matter. Cause he will be HOME. And THAT, will be better than anything I have ever felt in my life.
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