Why I Am More Excited About My Husband Coming Home From Deployment Than I Was About Our Wedding Day

Most people who have never had their husband deploy or who have never been around a military couple would never understand why this statement would be true. But I'm here to try to explain to you a few reasons why it is very true for me and my husband.

Many people would think I didn't have much to look forward to for my wedding which is why the homecoming would be that much more special to me, but I did. I didn't live with my husband before we got married. We had very traditional views of how marriage should be and so our marriage and wedding night/honeymoon was very special to us.  I think I had at least 2 different countdowns, one at work and one on my phone. I was obsessed with the planning and I just couldn't wait to be his wife. It consumed my thoughts and my actions. I knew there would be so many changes coming up with my two roommates moving out and my husband moving in. But it was exciting and I was ready for it.

But as any young couple in love, there are so many things I didn't know, and after being married for several years and a few kids later we learned a lot more. This gave me a different perspective and a new way to look and anticipate like I couldn't have before. While before I did so blindly, this time I am doing so with my eyes wide open.

Here are the reasons I anticipate my husband's return more than I did at my wedding:

I am more in love with him now than I was at our wedding. After several years of marriage I have fallen much more in love with him. This just makes me so much more crazy about him than the day I met him. At times a wedding things can be very much about the "Bride" and the "Wedding" this is all about US. Nothing else matters, not the ceremony, the photographer, the clothes, yeah we'll have all those just like last time, but we have one focus...seeing each other. I have fantasized about that moment since the day he left. Knowing that room he marched out of, it would be months before marched back into again and into my arms. But when he does...nothing..I mean nothing else in the world will matter but us being together again.

We have made a family (2 beautiful boys and our husky) that are also just as excited about him coming home and feel his absence in our home. I tell our sons that he's coming home soon and I know they're excited. Our 6 month old is so young he really doesn't understand, but it's hard seeing him grow up without his dad home. He gets excited everytime he sees him on facetime on the iPad. I know he loves him and I know he'll be so excited to see him in person when he gets home. But he was only 2 weeks old when he left so it's going to be a really big deal to see him really get to see and get to know his Daddy! Our 2yr old, wow he's going to flip out. He gets so excited every morning when Daddy calls. Everytime I play our Daddy bedtime story DVD he gets excited. He goes through phases where he carries his Daddy doll everywhere. That kid misses his Daddy and it's going to be so incredibly special to see him light up when he sees his Daddy again. And of course Nikki our dog is going to freak out when Daddy comes home!

Life returning to normal is a big deal to us as a family. It's hard to describe to you just how drastically his absence has affected us as a family. Nothing feels right, it's hard to find enjoyment in things. We postponed Christmas because it just wouldn't be right...wouldn't be "Christmas" without him. Our wedding day it was anticipating starting a whole new life. I am just yearning to get the life back that I loved so much! I don't want a new one, I just want the one that I had back.

Getting to sleep like normal again!!! There was a sense of uncertainty as I went into marriage...was he going to snore and keep me up all night long? Was our bed going to be comfortable? But I know he snores now, but I also know that a light push on the shoulder and he'll roll over on his stomach and he'll stop snoring. I know our bed is incredibly comfortable and I hate sleeping anywhere else. I'm used to sleeping next to him, I miss it. I miss feeling his heat, his presence next to me. I miss putting my foot up against his leg as I fall asleep. I miss hearing his heavy breathing as I drift off to sleep, rather than laying awake in bed wishing I could just relax, I wish I could just snuggle up against him.

To feel complete and whole...AGAIN. As a Christian you are taught to become "one flesh" in marriage so you believe in becoming apart of someone. But deployment makes me feel completely disconnected from my spouse sometimes. Not only are you on opposite sides of the planet but you are living completely separate lives from each other and it can be really difficult or nearly impossible to stay connected to each other. Even though we get to talk pretty much everyday and we can stay pretty up to date on everything that is going on, it is still really hard. We're on completely separate time zones and so when I'm awake he's asleep so when I see something or experience something I really want to tell him and I can't, and the moment fades. I miss getting to go places with him and make memories with him. While we get to do that more than most with the ability to facetime every morning (my time) it still doesn't change the fact that he is in Afghanistan doing his job there, living in his place there, seeing the people there, I live in our home here, I have my responsibilities here, seeing our friends and family here...it's totally different. We cross paths a little each day and that's it. We make the best of it that we can but it's really hard to connect and keep it at the quality that you need to be to keep your marriage strong much less to have your marriage grow from the experience. So I want him home. I want him next to me where I can share a life with him again. Where we can both parent our children again. Where if I have a thought right before bed I can roll over and tell him.

Another honeymoon...not that your first honeymoon isn't amazing, cause believe me our first one was pretty incredible!! We frequently said how much we missed our honeymoon cause we had the most amazing time! But the first one we really didn't know what to expect, this one we just have a lot of excitement and eagerness because after 2.5 years of having children and only 1 night away it's going to be pretty amazing to get away and get to reconnect, just us. Especially after being on my own with the kids for all these months getting the hubby to myself for a few nights sounds absolutely amazing!!

When my dad walked me to my husband on our wedding day, it was special, I felt butterflies and I was excited. But maybe it was just all the stress of the wedding coming to a head or I was just ready to have it over with. But the honeymoon was just fun and relaxing...maybe it never hit this major peak of excitement like this homecoming is for me. But as I sit here and think about Eddie coming home I literally just start to get so excited, I get giddy. It's still XX weeks away and yet I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. I have outfits planned for all of us, signs prepared and I've envisioned it in my head hundreds upon hundreds of times and I've cried every time.

Being an Army Wife is difficult. Sometimes it can be excruciating. When my son is sick and cries for his daddy and there's nothing I can do to give him what he wants. When we got home after my husband deployed and we pulled in the driveway and my son knew and started crying for Daddy. There are those moments where your heart just gets ripped out and you have to stay strong for your family no matter how little sleep you've had or how crappy people have treated you or how much you just want to scream at everyone around you.

But as hard as this life is I do know even though we haven't even gotten there yet...when I see him and I get to hold him again nothing in this world will matter. Cause he will be HOME. And THAT, will be better than anything I have ever felt in my life.

Perfecting the Packages

I am a stay at home wife/mom. I am starting my own business promoting Visalus, but if you want to know more about that check out my other blog here.

But I am home all day and I have spent countless hours browsing pinterest and blogs to find ways to make the best care packages possible for the most amazing man in the world, my husband.

I know he has the worst job in all of this. He's working 12+ hour days and getting a day off every 2 weeks. He's in the desert, working in intense heat and missing his home and family. I am here in the comforts of the home he has provided for us with our kids and my family here to help support and help me. Like I said, he has it rough.

I'm the kind of girl who is independent, but I LOVE taking care of my family. I love to dote, support, encourage and pour my passion and affection into my husband. He's my best friend, my everything. Which is why having him deployed is so difficult. But I've found ways to help get me through it, one day at a time.

One of my favorite things is putting together care packages for him. I really want to make him the perfect package that will make his entire week, until the following when he gets another box from me :-) I want the other men in the company to be jealous of the boxes my husband gets.

SO here is what I've learned. Make them FUN. Use the knowledge you have of your spouse and find their favorite snacks, what makes them comfortable, what makes them smile, what they NEED and get it to them. My husband works a lot and even though they have a PX over there it doesn't carry the stuff he likes, so I keep track of his toiletries and things he needs and make sure he doesn't run out of those. I have a list of his favorite snacks and foods so if he misses going to the DFAC (their version of a cafeteria) for a meal he has food in his room and doesn't have to go without.

For my husband he LOVES the Dallas Cowboys so I picked out his sheets and sent him a blanket all in cowboys colors. I also got him a pillow he could snuggle with and got a pillow case that has a special message from me written on it and handprints from the kids. It's really wrinkled in the pictures because I used vacuum seal bags to send it :-)

One box that I've done for him took a lot of work, but it was worth it. He loves batman, so I made a batman themed package that is completely full of things that are both practical and fun.

Another important aspect to keep in mind is what he misses most from home. We have two small boys and he really misses our sons. So I try and make things that will help keep him connected to them. Handprints on just about anything :-) Any type of picture or craft. They're gone, so anything that their kids actually make for them, they will love. If you want some ideas check out pinterest they have so many things that are easy to make even if you aren't the most crafty person in the world.

(My son decorated that pumpkin for Daddy)

(My oldest has this crazy obsession with rubbing your arm, so I made a small hand of Colton's so Daddy could wear this in his sleeve and Colton could rub Daddy's arm from 7000+ miles away)

(Colton made the cross in Sunday School)

BAKE! haha they LOVE homemade food and miss it! So you can bake just about anything in a jar and mail it. You can learn about how to can here, it's super easy! My next project is going to be making spaghetti sauce and sending it.

(This is a brownie)

Decorate the sides of the boxes. My husband cuts these off and hangs them on the walls of his room. I just cut a piece of scrapbooking paper in half and it covers two of the sides of the box. I use the heavy duty stick glue and it holds it really good.

I usually spend anywhere from 15 minutes to a few hours putting together a box depending on what theme I'm doing. I spend more on holiday themed boxes like the halloween box I just completed.

Or the batman themed box where I made a few things to go with it.

But I view this as a way I can still take care of my husband and SHOW him just how much I love him. It can really wear on them emotionally and mentally to complete the mission over there, so this is my way of reminding him of the things he loves and enjoys and how much we love and support him. This helps bridge the gap for me and makes me feel connected to him in spite of the 7000+ miles between us.

So get your pen and paper out and start making a list of the thing your spouse enjoys. In no time at all you'll have the inspiration you need to put together the perfect packages for your spouse. Use pinterest and take some time when you shop to look for fun things to use/send. Also craft stores like Hobby Lobby have great crafts that your kids can make that are already assembled to some degree.

Also just a tip for all those who hate the post office. Here is a few steps to make your life so much easier and avoid the post office which you'll especially appreciate around the holidays!!

Step 1: Order flat rate boxes and the customs form envelopes for free from usps.com and have them shipped to your house.

Step 2: Package your box at home at whatever pace you need in order to get everything in it that you want or can make fit :-)

Step 3: Go back to usps.com and print off the shipping label and complete the customs form

Step 4: Print, put in your customs form envelopes and stick it on the top of the box

Step 5: Schedule a pickup from your front porch (or wherever you like) at usps.com and never even have to leave your house


Now go make the perfect care package for your spouse!! It'll make both of ya'll feel better. Remember you are one more day closer to them being home and in your arms again!

My coping method #1

Sometimes I just don’t know what to say. It’s so frustrating to be feeling so many emotions and not be able to express them with words. I say I love you and I miss you as if that explains how I’m feeling. But it doesn't  It doesn't express how I feel like I’m drowning. Like the weight of the world is crushing down on me and I just can’t get a breath of air. I try to fight my way to the surface but if just feels like I’m giving it everything I have and I’m just not getting any closer. It’s just that I’m so tired…

I’m tired of doing it on my own. I don’t blame you and I know if you could you would be here to help me. But I’m tired. I’m tired of making this sacrifice. I know there’s a really good reason that we’re doing this.  The main reasons are sleeping peacefully on the couch right now. But I’m tired of you missing them growing up. I’m tired of you missing the special moments that you only get to experience once. I’m tired of watching our toddler cry cause he misses his daddy. I’m tired of trying to explain it to him even when I know he can’t understand why you’re gone.

I’m tired of sleeping in bed alone…well until both our boys end up in it. Even still it feels too big. I’m tired of missing you, of missing reaching over and touching you in the middle of the night, or just so I could fall asleep. I miss cuddling with you, until you would start to snore. I miss making love to you when we could stay awake long enough. I’m tired of waking up looking for you and feeling that same horrible feeling every morning where I realize you’re gone and won’t be home for a long time.

I’m tired of you being gone. I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired because without you here I just can’t relax and I won’t be able to until I’m in your arms again. I’ll be tired until you are home and I can breathe again. 

Finding your coping method

People say that in order to deal with a deployment you just have to stay busy. Well you know what I say…sometimes you can be in the midst of being “busy” and still be just as miserable as ever. I say you need to find ways to deal with the circumstances and help make you into the best person you can be. Because when we’re forced to deal with so much on our own and we’re missing the best half of ourselves, we tend to not be the best version of ourselves.

I have found that I am not as good of a parent or as good of a person without my husband home. There is some epic truth in the cheesy line from the movies, “you make me a better man” but my spouse has made me a better person. But without him here I struggle. So finding ways to help you deal with the frustration, the anger, the loneliness, and worst of all, the fear, can help you get through it.

For me dealing with a lot of the frustration is worked out through walking…a lot. I picture myself how I want to look and I imagine myself looking like that as I jump into his arms when he comes home. That helps motivate me as I push myself to keep walking. To help deal with the other mess of emotions I face, I write.

I haven’t written in years. 

I used to write a lot and I used to write really well. But I pulled from my feelings of inadequacy and fear of never finding someone who would love me. When I did find that amazing someone, I had trouble writing. Negative feelings apparently make better muses for writing. So find things that you enjoy that can help you deal with this deployment. Cause sometimes that’s all you can do, you can’t be happy or positive about it, all you can do is just deal.

Whatever you do, don’t be afraid of being honest. I mean you need to be strong for your spouse…he’s got a lot to deal with too and worrying about whether or not you can hack it is not helpful to him especially if it’s all the time. Everyone is different so only you and your hubby can find ways to deal with the deployment and what you can or can’t talk about it. But if your hubby can’t deal with it then find someone that you can talk to. Cause you can’t bottle it all up, you've got to find a way to let go.

Make some goals!! Start a list and give yourself something to be passionately focused on and something you can do for your soldier. That way when the pain, the anger and the loneliness is gone you don’t regret the time you wasted pining for your soldier. Do something productive that way you have something to be proud of besides surviving the deployment. Do more than survive… conquer.